Do you want to fall in love again? Keen to know the secret to unconditional self-acceptance? “Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different.” Post last updated August 2020.
Ten years ago, I was introduced to a book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It’s an easy, profound read, that has saved many of my relationships (including my inner self connection) from despair.
Born on 10 January, 1938, Gary is a 23/5 Rebel lifepath in numerology, which means that he’s here to heal his Throat Chakra (Truth and Intuition), and to help people see other points of view. Gary suggests that we all receive love in different ways.
When our ‘love tank’ (or heart) is full, we are confident, committed and faithful. When our ‘love tank’ is empty, we tend to look outside ourselves, or our relationships, for approval.We all have one or two preferred ‘love languages’, which often reflect what we didn’t get enough of as children. Hint: What you complain about in others, often highlights your love language!
The 5 Love Languages include:
-Words of Affirmation (sincere compliments and encouragement)
-Acts of Service (physical deeds to help another e.g. doing chores)
-Gifts (thoughtful presents given from the heart)
-Quality Time (one-on-one time, with minimal interruptions)
-Physical Touch (affection that comes without strings)
Please note – the info in brackets is my interpretation of each love language. Discover your love language on Gary’s site.
What I love about Gary’s book is that it’s full of hope – stories of people who fell out of love, and then back into it. This fits in perfectly with my experiences as a psychic reader and Holistic counsellor in Brisbane. I truly believe that ‘everything is heal-able’, and that we are all Angels in street clothing.
Here’s how the love languages have helped me to create a great relationship with my Soulmate Kris:
Kris and I are fortunate in that we both like Physical Touch. Having a similar primary love language to your partner is helpful, but not essential, for staying together.
No doubt, this is the result of our strict upbringings. I never hugged another person until I was 14 or so. I still remember trying to hug my friends and smacking them in the jaw with my shoulder! These days, I make a point to kiss or hug Kris whenever I see him. It keeps our oxytocin (love hormone) levels high and feels fantastic.
Kris appreciates Acts of Service – I know this, because he’s always trying to help me out. We tend to ‘speak love’ the way we want to be ‘spoken to’. Kris is like many guys, in that he mows the lawn, drives me places and fixes things, to show me he’s trustworthy. His practical approach took me a while to get used to, as my other love language is Words of Affirmation.
When we were first dating, Kris spent hours making me a vegan, dairy and gluten free lasagne before driving 40 minutes to my place and then going to work. My friends said ‘that guy is a keeper’ and I replied ‘yeah – he’s a great cook but I wish he’d tell me how he feels – he’s like a rock sometimes.’
Fortunately, after a bit of ‘training’ on both our parts, I now wash dishes (ok, I use the dishwasher) and Kris frequently tells me I’m beautiful! Ahhhh.
I should mention, you can’t fake this stuff. Once you figure out your partner (or child/ relative/ colleague’s) love language, it takes practice and dedication to implement these principles. Unless you truly want to enhance your relationship, no amount of book-reading or personality analysis will save it.
More on Words of Affirmation:
I grew up in an intellectual family, where criticism and sharing your opinion was part of life – it was a case of ‘she who speaks first, wins’. Over the years, I’ve (mostly) let go of this habit, and learned to listen more than I talk – there’s a reason we have two ears and one mouth. This step alone has transformed my love life.
I am no longer afraid of what people say, because I’ve learned to ‘fill my love tank’ and be kind to myself no matter what. I do this through acts of self-love, like journalling, meditation, prayer, counselling and holding or praising myself when times are tough. I also put positive words around me as posters, read inspiring quotes daily and play and sing uplifting music.
See my Youtube playlist of Sacred Songs (updated July 2020)
Despite the old rhyme that ‘sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me’, what we say to ourselves and others does have an impact. Words have energy, and we are all energetic beings. As someone who can see auras, I’ve watched people literally ‘shrink’ under criticism, or go grey when other people attack them. Insults look like a hail of bullets, especially when the receiver is a small child.
Words have been my greatest wounding, and medicine. Perhaps it’s because I have a Karmic 13/4 Destiny in my name, which requires me to use words wisely instead of focusing on the negative. Read more on Karmic 13, 15, 16 and 19 numerology.
Here are 7 statements that changed my life, for better or for worse. It’s amazing how just a few words can make such a difference!
1) Your mother’s crazy. My Dad used to say this as a joke. Ironically, he and I are telepathic (read more). I grew up with mixed feelings about being female, because I had relatives who could see or feel ghosts. Some were put on anti-depressants or given electroshock therapy. I tried so hard to avoid their fate, that I dissociated from my femininity and intuition until my 20’s. No wonder I had such bad period pain and didn’t have children until now. I was sceptical of psychics and anything I couldn’t prove with science (see statement 6 below).
Now I know that ‘crazy is subjective’. As one of my favourite school teachers Ms Krauth used to say, ‘blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light’ (attributed to Groucho Marx or Spike Milligan). These days, when other people tell me I’m mad for running a business, charging for psychic readings, or listening to my inner voice, I see this as a sign I’m on track! Read more on staying Zen under criticism.
2) I love you. Like many people from conservative backgrounds, my parents didn’t tell me I was loved or beautiful, because they didn’t want me to be arrogant. The first time I heard these words was from my boyfriend at 18, and I initially thought he was lying. Decades later, I can now give and receive these words with gratitude – in fact I often tell Forrest Bump in utero (an update, he was born Feb 2016), ‘you are loved, you are loving and you are lovable – thank you for choosing me’. He kicks when I say that.
3) I wish I didn’t have kids. My mother sometimes said this as she was serving dinner. No wonder I got stomachaches. I felt guilty for existing. In hindsight, if you swap the word ‘children’ for ‘big dreams’, it makes sense. My mum wanted to go into banking, but gave up her career after a year to get married in her early 20’s.
When I almost repeated her choices by getting engaged a year into my Government graduate program, I remembered her words and went to the United Nations (UN) instead. This was the right decision, as it led to me to give up trying to save the world. Instead, I started my psychic practice, which has given me a wonderful life/ work balance. My Mum taught me to look before I leap, which may have saved my life.
4) You will be successful. While in Thailand at the UN, I met a journalist called Jim Pollard at a party. He looked at me and said ‘You are going to be very successful in life – I’ve met a lot of people and I just know it’. I can’t express what an impact this made on me. At the time, my head was filled with doubt (I was being bullied) and I had gastroenteritis from ignoring my gut instincts to leave. When he spoke, something lifted. I’ll always be grateful for his frankness.
5) Your grandmother’s died. When I was about 8 or 10, my grandma died on Christmas Day. It was the only time I ever saw Mum cry, and the situation triggered my journey with emotional eating. It wasn’t about what was said, it’s what wasn’t said. We simply didn’t talk about grandma after that. It took me until I was 29* to find out that my her death was considered suspicious, and that her mother had died in similar circumstances. Not only that, my childhood home was apparently jump-proofed as a result. No wonder the windows didn’t open. This background is one of the reasons I am so open with my clients about how to keep themselves mentally well.
*As a Master 29/11 Lifepath in numerology, my purpose is to be a Spiritual Messenger and one of my peak years for maturity is 29. I find that many people with Master Numbers (11, 22, 33 etc) have unusually testing childhoods, to prepare them to be pioneers as adults. They often see prompts like 11:11 once they are ready to wake up to their potential – I did. Find your lifepath.
6) You will be a Spiritual Teacher. While working in Darwin, I went to a palmreader called Manfred at Parap Markets. He told me I would change careers and become a spiritual teacher. I laughed, asked how long he’d been working for, and walked away thinking he was an idiot. Guess who had to crawl back a few years later to apologise? Yep, me! Oh dear. Since then, I’ve said similar things to clients, and been just as mocked. I just chuckle and ‘call me when you start seeing 11:11 or triple numbers’. They often text a few days later with pictures of repeating numbers.
7) It’s ok to cry/ it’s safe to speak up. I wish we learned emotional intelligence at school. It would save so many lives, careers and marriages.
As an empath with silk skin in palmistry, I feel, see and hear things that other people don’t. When I was younger, I was often told to be quiet or not to cry. Internalising these energies resulted in sinus problems (from not ‘facing things’/ keeping in the tears), eczema (things getting ‘under my skin’), nosebleeds (too much pressure) and acne (wanting to break out).
It’s only after many personal growth courses, Family Constellations, and reading books like Caroline Myss’s Anatomy of the Spirit (my favourite chakra healing book) that I understand there are no shortcuts to maturity – my parents were exactly the teachers I needed for my life’s work. We’re on much better terms now that I’ve let go of the chip on my shoulder.
One of the best techniques I ever studied was The Work of Byron Katie. I will never forget my facilitator Rosie Stave sitting at my feet as I bawled my eyes out. I had just done The Work on ‘it’s not ok to cry’ and realised how that one belief had held me back from ever feeling truly happy or sad. Rosie looked up at me with her big brown eyes and I thought ‘my God, she really has no ego – she isn’t here to tell me what to do, just to witness my enlightenment’. What a gift.
I hope this article has helped you to see the power of words and how they can help you to stay ‘in love’ and in your peace. Toxic thoughts are much better out than in – it’s important to find a safe way of expressing them so that fresh ones can arrive, otherwise you will keep reliving your past.
As my 31/4 lifepath healer Steve Katz says, ‘the only way is in and through’. Well, the 4th Chakra IS the Heart Chakra and the seat of compassion… You can’t avoid your spiritual homework, so why not complete it and enjoy some well-deserved playtime? Emotions are simply energy in motion – breathe in and then let them go, because your life and loved ones are waiting for you!
7 Canopener Relationships That Shocked Me Awake – Are You In One?
Valentine’s Day 2016 – 6 Myths About Soulmates, Busted!
The Karma of Having an Affair
You Can’t Not Belong – Four Ways to Forgive Your Family (Especially Your Parents)
It’s Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood
Books like Attached by Amir Levine and The Queen’s Code by Alison Armstrong.
Thanks to Jason, Kris and Forrest for inspiring this post.