Are you, or do you know a ‘control freak’? Someone who must keep things neat, even at the expense of their relationships and sanity? This article explores the power of intention, and how to break the cycle of obsessing over appearances. It’s about looking deeper at your beliefs and fears.
As I’m in a 1 Personal Year of New Beginnings in numerology, I’ve been ticking things off my bucket list. Find your personal year.
One of my dreams was to hire a cleaner. When I studied with Peter Conna from eQ Events, he said that delegating is one of the keys to success. So a couple of months ago, I called a lady on Gumtree, who promised eco-friendly services. I was juggling a new baby and needed assistance for a house inspection.
No big deal right? Wrong – it was a major drama. Even though I researched the cleaner (let’s call her X), it was during a Mercury Retrograde, an astrological period when we often make errors of judgement. Due to time restrictions, I didn’t speak to her references, instead trusting my instincts, which were a bit off due to sleep deprivation.
Although Mercury Retrograde is a great time to pick up bargains and short-term deals, it is a case of buyer beware. In my situation, X turned up at a day’s notice, which was brilliant, but then everything went downhill.
To cut a long story short, I ended up listening to her life story while she sat on my couch, left early, and implied I was ‘lucky’ to have her, as her other cleaning job paid three times as much.
Yikes!! I had to let her go, after we disagreed over $20. To be honest, I would have given her $50 as a tip, just to have someone on call, but all the signs told me she was costing me energy. So I ended up doing my own cleaning at night, after baby had gone to bed. Much less of a headache.
Here are 3 Unforgettable Lessons I Learned From My Ex-Cleaner:
1) You can clean a house, but leave it dirtier. Even though X kept the house tidy, I could feel her energy afterwards – it was like she never left. I kept feeling worse for hiring her, like I was lazy. Not cool. I don’t need that in my life. This is the same reason I mainly eat organic instead of fast food – I can taste the frustration of an underpaid cook.
I have a saying ‘do it with love, or not at all’. What this means is, every action you take either adds love to the World, or repels it.Don’t sell yourself or others short by chasing security over growth. You’re an infinite being who came to Earth to bloom, not wither from fear. When you work for money or approval, stay in a relationship, job or even have a baby out of duty, you set up a vicious cycle of pleasing others. You also teach others to cheat you and those who come after you.
The way you start something is how it goes. Yes, I sound idealistic but I’m talking from experience. Not only have I survived abusive relationships, I’ve counselled thousands of people who tell me the same thing – don’t lie to yourself, it just attracts energy vultures.
At one stage in my life, an ex-partner joked that he had killed someone – and I stayed. I was so afraid of him, and being alone, that I put my life on the line. No wonder I never fell pregnant until I met my Soulmate Kris.
My lesson: When inviting someone into your life, notice how you feel after you see them. Energised, neutral or tired? Ideally it should be one of the first two options. If one, or both of you consistently feel drained afterwards, then perhaps you need to be more honest with each other, or wait for better timing.
2) When you don’t know what to do, taking a small action can help. It’s ok to ‘ready, fire, aim’ when the stakes are low. As I said to a friend, I thought I hired X as a cleaner, but she was more like a life coach. After meeting her, I starting taking back my power, because I realised that life waits for no one. Despite her quirks, she had good leadership abilities and wasn’t scared of confrontation.
There will always be people happy to take your time/ money/ energy. It’s up to you to say No, and to negotiate a fair deal. When I studied Environmental Science, they called this the Tragedy of the Commons. Think of a field with no fence. It’s inevitable that other farmers will overgraze the grass, because no one seems to own it.
My lesson: The only way to find what gives you joy is to take risks. How can you find a new favourite ice cream flavour if you keep ordering the same dessert? Although I felt stupid after my experience with X, I soon realised that it was a huge achievement too. In the past, I would have said nothing and been passive aggressive, but the ‘new me’ is keen to set a good example for Forrest. What X taught me about standing up for myself was well worth the $20 we haggled over.
3) Getting your hands dirty is good therapy. When X came over, I’d spend half an hour ‘pre-cleaning’ the house and moving things, then sit outside trying to ignore the noise. It was just as stressful as doing things myself.
Although I plan to get another cleaner (who loves their work), for now I find doing the floors is cathartic. It doesn’t matter how busy my head is, the thoughts fade as I clear my clutter. I’ve also lowered my expectations. I can see that, life will never be the same as it was pre-baby and that it’s ok to have smudges around.
Instead of worrying what people think of me, I focus on how lucky I am to have Forrest. A healthy Third Eye Chakra (mind and sixth sense) allows you to see beyond appearances. I used to be so self-conscious, I was too scared to even wear odd socks. Now, I revel in my weirdness, and clean for my sake, not to get a thank you.
My lesson: A mentally healthy person can tolerate temporary chaos. They know that every birth requires a death. While cleanliness is a sign of self-respect, it needs to be balanced with having a life (!) You see a tree, I see a dead trunk with fungus – everything is perception.
It’s amazing how we create drama to avoid what sets us free. I can’t count the number of times I’ve started a fight with Kris, just to avoid cleaning the toilet, doing the dishes or a big pile of laundry.
My advice to control freaks is: What are you really afraid of?
Being too successful and making other people feel bad? That’s not possible – that’s a choice only they can make. Your creativity and sensuality is what makes you unique – suppressing your happiness only creates disease.
Looking disorganised and out of control? Welcome to being human and having feelings. Maybe you need to hang out with more kids, because they’ll remind you that you’re beautiful, just as you are.
Losing approval from others? Just remember the Dr. Seuss quote,“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Other people aren’t here to make us happy, they’re here to remind us that we create our happiness. Funnily enough, I’ve met many psychics have worked as cleaners at some point. There must be something about helping people deal with their secrets in a compassionate way…
I hope this article has given you hope. Please, do one thing for yourself today out of love – eat a nice meal, hug someone, go to sleep early or take a walk to see the sunset. There will always be more cleaning to do, but never another day like this.
Develop Your Intuition and Banish Self-Doubt webinar (includes energy clearing tips for sensitive people plus meditation tracks)
How to Deal with Criticism – 3 Tips for Staying Zen
The Five Love Languages and Words of Affirmation (lots of people who clean have Acts of Service as their primary love language!)