The Butterfly Effect refers to the idea that small changes can have a global outcome. That a butterfly flapping its wings could cause a tornado elsewhere. As the saying goes ‘to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world’. This post is dedicated to Butterfly Tara Saffigna and her loved ones.
Sadly, Butterfly passed on 29/7 shortly after this blog was posted. This photo was taken just before she went back to the great garden in the sky. Rest in peace beautiful friend. See this related post, Kookaburra Proves There’s Life After Death – My Friend’s Last Laugh
We also named our son Charlie Kingfisher Anderson in memory of her.
Block H. I’m looking for Block H. It’s the last one in the complex. How weirdly appropriate, given it’s the palliative care ward. Pushing my baby in his pram, we enter the building and the nurses start coo-ing over him. One shows me to Butterfly’s room, while smiling at my son. She stops at the door to play with him. I think ‘please leave us alone, my friend is dying’ before realising ‘thank goodness she’s nice, that means Butterfly is in good hands.’
Butterfly is my friend. At the too-young age of 44, she has end stage cancer. We are both sensitive people and I admire her four beautiful children aged 6 to 21. This is the first time she’s met Forrest, but she keeps saying ‘I feel like I’ve met you before’ as they hold hands. His five-month-old grip barely encircles her finger. I quip, ‘well, he’s got a familiar face. Maybe you’re both old Souls’.
That gets a laugh. What’s not funny, is Butterfly being in hospital. It’s taken me a fortnight to see her again, because I’ve had a cold. In spirituality, blocked sinuses means you’re denying something in front of you. A post-nasal drip also represents internal crying. These explanations make sense, as I don’t want Butterfly to go.
In fact, I’ve been so agitated about her, that I’ve been calling Forrest ‘Butterfly’, and craving chai around the clock (Butterfly’s tea business is called Chaibliss). It must be the start of the grieving process.
Despite her fatigue, Butterfly is kind enough to answer my questions about Forrest’s teething, and discuss her Master 33 lifepath in numerology. This is a challenging purpose of double evolution, willpower and opening minds. I meant to interview her earlier, but kept putting it off. Sigh. If I only had a time machine. Find your lifepath.
Listen to the audio of our conversation (5min 58s)
An edited transcript is below
Sarah: Do you have any advice for someone who is a young 33, finding it a big deal to be a Master Number – feeling they have so much to do in one lifetime?
Butterfly: I feel that sitting down during the day, whether that’s for food or reading something empowering, or doing something nonsensical (is important). Even playing a gentle instrument. For a 33 it’s good to challenge yourself and to nurture that co-creative part. I like percussion, singing bowls, drums.
Sarah: Would you say that it gets easier for 33’s when they get older and can make their own choices?
Butterfly: I do (think it gets easier). The more you honour yourself, the more you can see other people’s potential and your own.
Sarah: Anything else you want to say?
Butterfly: Enjoy yourself. Seriously, life’s pretty enigmatic. It doesn’t matter what number you are, or what colour your hair is…it’s just a matter of letting yourself be the biggest being you can be…I believe in reincarnation, I also believe you’ve only got one chance in a certain moment.
Sarah: What would you say to people who were afraid to have children, or are scared of being a good parent? You have four kids and they’re amazing…
Butterfly: Welcome to the club. It’s time for us to have strength with our intellect and…our Holistic self.
Sarah: Thank you for being psychic, being someone who I can talk to about psychic things.
Butterfly: I knew you were going to say that.
Sarah: It’s really made a difference, meeting someone who can do the same things. You have to promise to visit me. Use 33s or 11s please. I love you lots.
It was hard to leave Butterfly, as I’m not sure when, or if I’ll see her again. While driving home, I had some big realisations about what she’s taught me.
1) When in doubt, eat cake. The last thing I watched Butterfly swallow was a spoonful of vegan berry cheezecake. Inspired, I went to one of my favourite vegetarian restaurants on the Gold Coast, Cardamom Pod, and hoovered a raw peanut butter cup (gluten and dairy free), along with some dahl.The food tasted different somehow, as if seeing my friend had heightened my senses. The peanuts were nuttier, the chocolate, sweeter, and the view outside, breathtaking. I sat there, holding Forrest a little too tightly, feeling incomparably grateful to be alive.
2) The joke is, we’re all dying. When Butterfly saw Forrest, she made fun of her shaved head and his hairless pate by saying ‘we look like twins’. From now on, whenever I rub Forrest’s bald patch, I’ll be thinking of my friend. It was great to hear the palliative care nurses laughing, because it means they’re in the right career. Someone living on purpose has a sense of humour. When I was a teenager, I used to look at my watch and say ‘one second closer to the end’. As Butterfly’s daughter said, ‘we are all dying’. So we might as well celebrate the present moment.
Here’s the prayer I make in the bathroom mirror each morning: ‘One day, I’m going to die. Until that day I promise to live, really live. To make the most of every second I have until my life is done.’
Saying this aloud three times, while looking yourself in the eye is a radical way to start your day. It’s a real blast in the heart.
3) Speaking up is an act of planetary courage. Despite being a psychic, I often avoid the topic of God outside work. Guess that’s my science degree at play. Unfortunately this fear has given me all kinds of neck and throat chakra issues.Talking with Butterfly reminded me that everyone questions the meaning of life. I have a duty to share what I know, even if it scares me silly. Butterfly’s clairvoyant visions have helped me so much. Thank goodness she’s never held back.
My final learning from Butterfly today was ‘that people are inherently kind’. Her hospital room was full of gifts and flowers from friends, celebrating her life. There were balloons, cards, flowers, even a terrarium. It felt more like an impending birth than an ending. As my friend Anne-Maree said ‘who wouldn’t want to die, and come back as a baby to be loved?’
Which is why I ended tonight by jumping in the ocean, with most of my clothes on. I just had to go for a swim, to wind down and clear my energy (aura). My friends carried Forrest down in his pram, so that I could splash around. Here’s a photo of one of them with the baby.
We passed some tourists on the way, who thought we were mad.Forrest looked like a little emperor on a royal litter or rickshaw. I didn’t care, I just ran into the sea and laughed, even when I got dumped by a wave.
The way you swim, is the way you navigate your feelings. For now, I’m choosing go with the flow rather than to drown in resistance…To me, the number 33 looks like wings or two mouths blowing kisses. Thank you Butterfly for your free spirit and loving advice. Go gently my fairy friend.
If this post moves you, please donate to Butterfly’s GoFundMe page (no longer active) – every little bit helps at a time like this. When I put in $33, there had been 33 contributions. Amazing! As Dan Millman says, ‘there are no ordinary moments’.
Today I Rise (Video) – Butterfly loves this, it’s a stunning ode to women