You Can’t Not Belong – Four Ways to Forgive Your Family (Especially Your Parents)

Everything you’ve ever wanted, is on the other side of forgiveness. My greatest pain this lifetime has been finding compassion for myself and others. This makes sense, as my Master 11/2 lifepath in numerology is about equal partnerships (the 11 looks like two people standing by each other). 

We choose a lifepath that addresses our past life/ family wounding. That’s why living your purpose can seem difficult until adulthood – you must experience both sides of your lifepath to appreciate it. Find your life path

 This post was last updated August 2021.

Four Ways to Forgive Your Family

1) Start by forgiving strangers. Forgiveness is a habit, which takes weeks, even years to build into your life. As counter-intuitive as it sounds, it’s easier to forgive those who aren’t close to you. This is because you have less investment in their reactions. You don’t ‘need’ your bus drivers’ affection, quite as much as say, your parents (it’s only human to want love from them – that’s how babies survive). After all, you can always find another bus, but not another family (well, not without lots of effort).Tip: Each day, spend five minutes thanking the workers who’ve paved the way for you.

The way we start our day is often how it goes. More on manifesting miracles. Gentleness attracts faith, just as violence breeds contempt. Before you eat your breakfast, take a moment to thank the plants, animals, farmers, bakers, and store-assistants who brought you the meal. As you get in the car, thank the engineers, designers, miners, mechanics, even the sales-people who made your car possible.

As you commute, send thanks to the workers who keep the roads clean, and other drivers for teaching you who you really are (more on driving psychology). When you go to lunch, thank the person who makes your food, by name if you can. If you hear about someone in trouble on the news, send them a blessing. This process will open your heart to the glory of everything – in truth, 100, 000’s of people have lived (and died) to get you here.

2) Next, forgive your workmates, ex-partners and friends. They say you don’t leave a job, you leave a boss. It sounds bizarre, but my Dad says ‘we’re promoted to our level of incompetence’ – that’s why your manager and colleagues aren’t good at everything.

We choose a job to learn something- if your boss could do it all, they wouldn’t hire you, right?! Similarly, you’re attracted to relationships for a reason – if your ex-partner was totally self-loving, they’d be a Buddha in Heaven rather than down here with us students. Friends are the same.

Tips: Practice creative reasoning.If your friend hangs up on you, you’d get mad right? What if she called you later to let you know her toddler had just spilled the kettle?

In my experience, we’re all kids with hot water (after all, our bodies are mainly fluid, and run on nervous energy/ heat). Emotional spills are inevitable. That’s why I love Byron Katie’s idea, that our job is to love ourselves, while everyone else’s job is to push our buttons.

There is always a reason for someone’s behaviour, even (and especially) if you can’t see it. Perhaps your rude colleague is living with a bipolar spouse, or their Mum is dying and they can’t sleep. Maybe your ex-husband treats you rudely because that’s what their parents did to each other upon divorcing (we repeat family cycles, until consciously breaking them). Even wilder…maybe your friends hurt you because last lifetime, you were their biggest bully? I often see this while doing past life regressions.

Next time someone treats you ‘wrong’, try this exercise:
-Say ‘it makes sense this is happening, because…’
Make up a reason the other person has acted this way. Often, your intuition will turn out to be right later on (!)
-Say ‘I’m glad this is happening, because…’
List some things you are learning about yourself and the person, which you’re grateful for.
-Finish with ‘I’m choosing to believe…’
Pretend this person was an Angel (in some ways, they are one, just playing their role well). What could be their higher motive?

For example – your boss yells at you for no reason.
-Say ‘it makes sense this is happening, because I’m the first person she’s seen today and she’s obviously had a rough night.’
-Say ‘I’m glad this is happening, because I get a chance to practice my yoga breathing. I’m also learning that I don’t like swearing…my love language is definitely words of affirmation.’ More on the five love languages.
-Finish with ‘I’m choosing to believe that I have free will right now, and this Angel is teaching me to speak up and to be kind.’ This may free you up to navigate the situation and find a solution.

Note – I’m not encouraging you to be a doormat – far from it. By taking a minute to find the blessing, you get out of your head, and activate your intuition and heart. Love opens what fear closes.  

 In the case above, by pausing you could prevent an argument or even getting fired. Instead, you might say to your boss ‘it seems like you’re having a big week – what do you need the most help with right now? I hate to see you this stressed.’ You might get an apology, or an insight into what’s going on behind the scenes.

3) Next, forgive yourself. I could write ten books on this subject, but here’s the essence. Everything you have ever done in this body, you did because it was right at the time, based on the available information and your life experience. Even if that behaviour was karmically inappropriate (e.g. lying, stealing, cheating), you chose to act that way to teach yourself something.We can’t learn maths without getting our sums wrong.

Similarly, we master ethics and responsibility by doing the complete opposite. There are no Saints on this planet – everyone has a past (and past life). Over many lifetimes, most of us have been been black, white, man, woman, racist, tolerant, master, slave, healthy, sick etc.Tips: Laugh at yourself, as often as possible. Why, because what you react to the most, could be what you did last time.

I can’t stand cigarette smoke, and have flashbacks to family and past live selves who smoked. I also dislike witch-hunters and religious fanatics – no guesses for what I did a few centuries ago.

At the risk of getting pelted with carrots, the recent rise of veganism makes sense because so many of us spilled blood in wars last century, in an effort to control land and resources.

Yesterday’s poorly-fed soldier is today’s organic eco-warrior. You fight for what you lost. It’s important to respect those who eat differently to you. Being healthy is not a fast-track you to enlightenment if you still treat people like idiots. Focus on being an whole, and they’ll ask for your help, if that’s their destiny. Education is swifter medicine than judgement.

It’s common for those who see 11:11, and other highly sensitive people, to go through a 5-10 year cycle of deep cleansing as they migrate from a fear-based lifestyle to a healer’s one.

This can lead to fasting, dieting changes, even intolerances to gluten, dairy, chemicals etc. These are signals for them to choose higher vibration foods, better water, holistic careers and supportive environments. There’s also a pull towards finding a Soulmate, who will help to keep them on track. See the 4 Stages of 11:11 Awakening for more tips.

No one likes being typecast – as a Soul you’re here to become well-rounded, not a one-dimensional goody two shoes. Forgive yourself, not because I say so, but to free up your energy.

Hating yourself is like putting a million dollars in a sock – a waste. By giving yourself a second chance, you’ll open up your financial flow, feel younger, and give your Spirit Guides a chance to help you up. For every step you take, Go(o)d takes two to meet you. You’ll never be younger than you are today – go, enrol in that course, talk to that person – be the biggest being you can be!

4) Now, it’s time to forgive your parents. What I’m suggesting in this article could take you hours to implement, or lifetimes – either way, the healing is worth it. Who wants to carry their anger into twenty more lifetimes?! Not me, and hopefully, not you…

We choose our parents. Of course, they still have free will how to treat us (it’s like picking a restaurant and then meeting a cranky waiter). However, there are NO mistakes. Your wound is your greatest teaching. The crack is how the light gets in (after Rumi and Spike Milligan’s quotes)

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Your Mum (or mother figure/s) represents Flow – Gaia – Mother Earth. She taught you about abundance, trust and compassion. In numerology, MOTHERLAND, MENTAL HEALTH, MENTAL ILLNESS and MEDITATION all have a 47/11 vibration – they all rely on us finding a soft place to rest. 

When I judge a family’s wellbeing, I look at the mother’s health first. She reveals the true state of how things are going. Few families bloom without a mother’s sacrifice and labour. Look outside. Our planet gives us flowers, trees, birds, air, wind, water, oceans, seashells, sunsets, fertile ground for us to flourish. Things that we could never replace or make ourselves – intangible astonishment. What she doesn’t give us is eternal self-love, compliments or money – these are things we need to self-generate, especially as we mature. 

Your mother’s job wasn’t to give you all the love you wanted, it was to inspire you to create a happier life than she did. She was the water, you are the fish. Her gift to you was possibility – a chance to swim upstream. Your mother also taught you about true power. As someone who recently gave birth to a son, without drugs, I can tell you for sure – men definitely come from women, not the other way round! Women are not weak, they’re just differently strong to men. When they reclaim their CREATOR status, they stop having to be a REACTOR (note the anagram).

When we forgive our mothers, we start appreciating our creative power, and take better care of our bodies and the planet. We become willing to wait for other people, and open our heart’s pathways, which inevitably improves our love life and love of life, as we embrace our softer side.

Tip: Give your mother a flower. In numerology, FLOWER adds to 34/7, the same vibration as MOTHER, TEACHERS and EMPATHY. Mothers/ flowers represent the Goddess in and outside of you – your beauty.

-If she’s still alive and talking to you, send her a bouquet, or drop off a handmade bunch of blooms. If she asks why, give her a hug!

-If she’s still alive, and not talking to you, buy a bunch of flowers and meditate on them, seeing her smelling their fragrance. Or give flowers to a woman who represents comfort to you – a grandmother, aunt, friend etc. I recommend keeping flowers (preferably native ones with no chemicals) in the house, as they remind us that all great things take effort to grow.

-If she’s no longer alive, visit her grave with flowers, or visualise sending her flowers. Many psychics believe there is a connection between flowers and the Spirit World (maybe that’s why we bring them to births and funerals). When a plant flowers, part of it dies for the greater good – to produce the next generation. When a mother gives birth, part of her dies and is reborn in the same way.

-If you can’t stand the idea of forgiving your mother, firstly check your lifepath – Master Number 11/22/33 holders, as well as Lifepath 1’s and 4’s often have considerable family dramas to sort through. This provides fuel for their internal fire and makes them change agents on a grand scale.

True story: I enjoy teaching about creating money, using your numerology. I’ll never forget one workshop where I said: ‘I am a 29/11* lifepath in numerology – many of us have mother issues but you just have to let go at some stage. (Actually, I often bring up people’s mother stuff!)’ *The words RICH, WISDOM and ABUNDANCE add to 29/11, as does PARENT, so I know a lot about these topics – I’m an ex-fundraiser and mum.

A woman asked:  ‘I just want to be rich – how can I be rich?’
I said (perhaps psychically): ‘That’s easy – forgive your mother.’
She said: ‘Are you kiddiing??  Have you met my mother??’
Everyone in the audience laughed, because they knew she was a Master 11 lifepath like me.
I said: ‘No but that’s why you’re struggling with money’. Aggression repels help, and money is basically other people’s help.

Worrying about your figures (financial or physical) is a road to insanity. Focus on outcomes not incomes and rebirth will come naturally.

Your paycheck reflects your p’L’aycheck (think of the L as a learner’s . permit). Re-wild yourself and the energy will come back, I promiseYou don’t have to agree with your mother’s actions – just give thanks for the life force she passed on to you. OK – now for the other side.

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Your Father (or father figure/s) represents Structure – God – Father Sky and Time. He taught you about systems, courage and focus.

If your relationship to your mother affects your body (‘mothership’), your relationship to your father affects your mind. Isn’t it interesting that so many people in society ignore their bodies, and complain of busy minds? Things are seriously out of whack!

I can look at the father in a family and tell you how secure things are. You’re either evolving, or going extinct. If the man in a family (or relationship) is stuck, no one gets ahead. Fear is in control.

Did you know? I specialise in helping sceptics become psychic again (yes – again – they are often the most gifted clairvoyants, but no one believed in their childhood dreams). My biggest barrier in this process, is the person’s idea of God.

SO many people think God/ The Universe is too busy to help them (like their fathers, basically). They hold back asking for what they want, or will hurt someone else. So they don’t get what they want, and end up thinking life is against them. Sigh.

This is like going to the cinema and not seeing a movie because you don’t line up for a ticket. ARGH. You have to follow the rules, folks. Talk to God like a best friend – a big version of you (I call my Soul, Super Sarah) and watch what happens next – miracles.

Your father’s job wasn’t to save you from every emergency. It was to encourage you to think bigger, work for your breakthroughs and trust in the process. He was the sky, giving you ambition – whether than ambition was to be just like him, or nothing like him!

When we forgive our fathers, we start appreciating our intellect and spiritual power, and are stronger leaders . We act despite criticism, create order where there’s been chaos, and stop expecting a free lunch. This instantly boosts our careers, optimism and discipline – we invest our time, energy and money in self-discovery and serving the world, instead of wasting our potential in regret.

Tip: Give your father a rock. In numerology, FATHER adds to 31/4, the same as GARDEN, HEALER and SCIENCE. These are the structural aspects of God in and outside you – your strength.

-If he’s still alive and talking to you, send him a rock you’ve found in nature (or a crystal, if you’re into them). If he ask’s why, say it’s just a thank you for everything.

I once read about a a Dad who often fought with his son. What they’d do was give each other stones (for skimming across the water) after an argument, as a sign of affection. Despite their rocky relationship (sorry – my pun), the son was extremely moved when he received a stone one day in the mail. His mother said his father was holding it the day he died. It was a stone the son had given him as a child.

-If he’s still alive, and not talking to you, find or buy a rock and meditate on it, seeing him holding it and feeling its strength. Or give this gift to a father figure in your life.

Crystals and rocks are often millions of years older than us – they remind us that ‘ you can’t truly own anything’ – we are blips in time with a responsibility to spread love, while we can. I love my friend Deniz Akan’s crystal healings because she reminds me of this truth.

-If he’s no longer alive, visit his grave with your rock, or visualise sending it to him above.

-If you can’t stand the idea of forgiving your father, firstly check your lifepath – see my comment about forgiving your mother. Lifepath 4s can often have an intense relationship with their father and father figures. Remember, you don’t have to condone what your father did, just give thanks for the opportunity he gave you to incarnate.

In Conclusion
On the surface, this article is about forgiving strangers, your workmates, your exes, your friends, your parents and yourself. At the deeper level, I’ve written it to bring you connection – a feeling of oneness. Everything unfinished, passes straight to your community and children. For all our sake’s, please get clear and learn to re-parent yourself kindly.

Some who is connected to their Soul’s wisdom finds it easy to forgive. They see every experience as education (taking in) or evolution (letting go). Inhaling. Exhaling. That’s what we’re here for.

You come from a broken home. Education.
You find your Soulmate. Evolution.
Your Soulmate comes with wounding. Education.
You work through the challenges. Evolution.
You have parents. Education
You forgive them. Evolution.
You see them at Christmas and fight again. Education.
You love them anyway. Evolution.

I hope this makes sense. We’re all mad scientists – your parents had you as an experiment, and no one really knew how it would go. Deep down, their greatest wish was for you to out-invent them, not to stay in a monkey cage.

As I learned in Family Constellations, you honour your parents more by succeeding, than by pleasing them. Shrinking from your greatness just keeps everyone stuck in traffic.

Here’s a prayer to use all year round: ‘Dear Spirit, please show me the lesson in this situation, so I can integrate it, and move on.’

You can’t not belong – we’re all leaves on this big family tree. Mother Earth and Father Sky need you now. It’s time to grow. Forgive your family, but don’t forget the lessons my friend.

Recommended Links
*My Detox Relationships meditation is amazing for clearing the air and bringing new love
– now free on Insight Timer
Why Your Child Chose You – Family Numerology Webinar
Why You Chose Your Mother – Family Numerology Webinar
Hong Curley’s Powerful Kindness (amazing author and forgiveness teacher)
It’s Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood
A Poem on Courage and Healing Visualisation
Conscious Parenting Resources

A big thank you to:
Alison from Clear Skies Yoga, whose workshop helped me write this.
Tribe of the Tree’s Treasure Hunter Mist, for bringing my vision back

Comments from my previous site:
7 Comments to You Can’t Not Belong – Four Ways to Forgive Your Family (Especially Your Parents):

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Shiri on Tuesday, 17 January 2017 1:57 AM
Your article just spoke so clearly to my soul I had to have a very long candid conversation with the Universe. Thank you for writing this article. I love your website and all of the wonderful information you share. I wish I knew of you years ago. I wish I knew a lot of things years ago, lol! I hope to one day have a reading done by you. Thank you again!!!
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Sarah on Monday, 23 January 2017 11:01 PM
Hi Shiri, I am deeply blessed by your comments and so glad you found the post inspiring. Don’t worry you found everything at the perfect time for implementation. There are no mistakes. Feel free to sign up on my homepage for future updates. Keep talking out loud, the Universe loves total clarity. Wishing you an abundant 2017 xx

Mel on Wednesday, 18 January 2017 2:45 PM
Thank you Sarah for this incredible reading! I feel the absolute truth in all that you wrote in a way that I have never felt before. I was flooded with emotion and felt enormous aha moments not just in my head/mind but in my body. I feel like it was written for me at this very moment. Just what I needed without even knowing. I feel so lucky. Thank you so much for your gift & wisdom. I feel so grateful to have found you and to learn more about myself and this incredible life/universe. I will definitely be booking in for a reading with you soon. One step at a time. Can’t wait! Much love and thanks again! Amazing and in awe!! Mel xo
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Sarah Yip on Monday, 23 January 2017 11:02 PM
Hi Mel, WOW really glad to hear from you, I get goosebumps just reading your comments. Hope we can stay in touch. Yes you found the article because your Soul wanted you to know your are already whole. We are all amazing beyond belief when we look softly at each other. Look forwards to meeting you sometime, thanks for your support xx

kara on Saturday, 21 January 2017 11:13 PM
A very well written article, thank you. I am really understanding the need to forgive my parents – my daughter is a 22/11 lifepath- now I’m worried that we will have a rocky relationship – so I’m hoping with all my forgiveness and work we won’t have so much drama. thank you for this i enjoyed reading it,
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Sarah Yip on Monday, 23 January 2017 11:04 PM
Hi Kara it’s so great to hear from you, thanks for your feedback. Don’t be worried about your daughter, she’s chosen you because she loves where you are heading as a Soul. Just see this post: or my Master 11/22 info on the Find Your Lifepath page. You sound totally onto it and I’m sure things are going to work out beautifully. Best wishes xx

Richard on Thursday, 2 February 2017 7:27 PM
Thanks for sharing
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